Think and Pray the Weak Away
Boys will be boys and boys need their toys. But once boys reach a certain age, they’ll want to replace their Hot Wheels with some hot wheels, their Action Man with a real-life Barbie, and their sticks and stones with firearms. It’s the American Way. Thanks to America’s liberal gun laws, over 10,000 of its weaker residents are rooted out annually by their more red-blooded compatriots. And even better: many weak links proactively use their God-given right to bear firearms to put themselves out of their misery: about 20,000 a year. It’s natural selection at its finest and just one of the many reasons America’s population remains the finest on Earth.
Most other First World countries, lacking such liberal legislation, have had to make do with far less lethal surrogates. The closest items readily available and somewhat resembling serious firearms (as opposed to childish squirt guns) are power tools like electric drills and air impact wrenches. Unfortunately, these are poor substitutes for guns when it comes to killing potential. As a result, there are far less homicides and mass shootings in these backward countries. The number of drilling and air-impact-wrenching bloodbaths is limited, and they rarely involve fatalities, due to insanely efficient and often free health care in these godforsaken gunless countries.
It’s like these nations are still stuck in the Middle Ages, strangers to the blessings of both gunpowder and natural selection. But if there’s one thing the Bible and Darwin teach us, it’s that good will prevail in the end. So just keep sending them thoughts and prayers and all will be well.
For more possibly true fun facts about guns and deaths, check this BBC-page full of nice statistics.